Friday, November 16, 2012

At Last...

I can now see an end to the emptying of boxes, although that plus searching the interweb for a job have been my main activities this week. As you all know by now I have a roommate. You can just call her Meg ;)!

Things are great, except I brought WAY too much stuff into the apartment, LOL. We are enjoying one another's company and I'm liking the area. It's amazing how different it feels to be in a space that is completely new to me. There are no bad memories here and I've already had a job interview. It's nice to be able to contribute to a household and not worry about how "girly" my own items are, LOL!

I thank you all for the well-wishes and can't wait to fill you in on some fun adventures in the area!

Hugs!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Change Will Do Me Good!

Ah, it's almost here, just a few more weeks and I'll have a new address and zip code. It's going to be the farthest from my birth family that I've ever gone. I'm so excited! I've missed you ladies, but really I've had nothing exciting happening other than planning a move.

Things are busy and terribly exciting right now. I've given notice at the job I've had for the last five years. A job where people have already volunteered to drive up and bring me back here if I decide once I'm moved I don't like it :).

It's nice to feel wanted. I'm training replacements at work. They have hired a part time and a full time person to fill the position that I currently hold. The part time person is FAB! I wish he was the full timer. I have only trained the full time person for one day. I'm hoping today is better. I'm being positive :).

Hugs everyone! I hope you ladies are having a good fall!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Putting a Pin in it ;)

I'm not sure how many of you have heard of a little place called Pinterest (pronounced like interest with a "p" on the front).  I orginally found out about Pinterest from my other life which has some deep roots in the scrapbook world. And just this week I wondered why I didn't have an Aeify (pronounced eye-fie) board to share with you ladies. So I made one :).

A little about how Pinterest works:

I am sure you are all savvy enough web browsers to use bookmarks, think of Pinterest as a place of visual bookmarks where other people share their bookmarks with you. Pinterest can also integrate with twitter and facebook (if you have a twitter or fb account already you can use these for Pinterest) and you CAN set them to automatically tweet or fb your new pins. It will ask if you want to install a little button on your toolbar and so when you are looking at things online, if you see something awesome like a makeup tutorial or a FAB pair of shoes that you may or may not buy, but don't want to forget you can just "pin it" with the button on your toolbar. This places said image on your own personal pinboard (you name your own boards and can have as many as you'd like). You also have the option to follow other's pinboards. You can follow all of their boards or just one that has things you like in it. You can repin somone else's pins to your own board and it'll tell you when people repin things of yours.

The reason I say it's like a bookmark is because if you click on the pin, it should link back to the original site/post so can have all the information of the pin. :)

I've just started setting up my fashion/ makeup pinboards. I think you'll enjoy them so I invite you to follow me I want to see what you ladies are into as well!

Hugs and have fun pinning!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Lemme know...

So I am loving the Unique character on Glee, I love the fact that she gets to be herself and is asserting her self in her femme form on the show! I do realize that I am sadly outnumbered here (or that if any of you readers are Gleeks, you are in the closet about that ;) ). I'm also mainlining the new Dr.Who thanks to my Netflix account. I am LOVING it!! And I know that Meg has made some references to the show a couple of times but I wanted to point out that the gender references start out early and it is pointed out that not all species view gender the way the human race does. I can't wait to get more into WHO, I'm just now starting the third season.

Hugs ladies!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Hoarders ;)

So I'm not really a hoarder, there hasn't been a time that my home was filled with tiny paths to walk through, but when you start planning a move you think... how do I have so much stuff!!! This is even more surprising to ME based on the number of truckloads of stuff I have hauled away from this place since December of last year. It's been QUITE a FEW!

This weekend I've started gathering things for a yard sale. (Do you northern folks with no yards know what that is?) Basically I'm going to put a whole bunch of my belongings that I no longer want out for sale (at a friend's house because my neighborhood doesn't allow yard sales. And then I hope someone else can make treasure out of the things I no longer wish to have. I have several boxes of scrapbooking items, seasonal decorations that I no longer want, an embarrassing pile of cds and graphic novels, and some books, lots and lots of books. I'm sure I will come up with more, oh yes, there's that old coffee table that lives in my garage to go.

Marian ~ I'll let you know when I'm going to NYC, it's on my list of places to see for sure! 
Calie ~ I'm not sure about the House of Night books, but she is a massive reader (at times) so I'll check!

Everytime I've gotten rid of stuff I've felt that much free-er. It's been such an amazing experience. I know it's weird for the people who know me here, and it's hard for the people who've only known the married version of me because they think I'm not acting like myself, but it's EXACTLY what I'm doing. I am being me. The real me, the honest me. The brave me. The me that listens to her inner voice. I want you all to heed your inner voice. Way more bad things have happened in my life because I did't listen. She knows what she's talking about because her vision isn't limited to what she can see here and now. She sees beyond the physical.

Hugs!


Friday, August 31, 2012

Catching you up...



I have put my house on the market. I'm not sure how this will go, but as the anniversary of Penny's death approaches, I am ready to leave. I'm done here.

I cleared out and sold a lot of musical instruments that I owned but didn't really belong to me.

I got my car title in JUST my name.


I will keep updating and posting, sorry there's just so much that is uninteresting going on :).

I do miss you all and there's more fun coming... I promise!

Hugs!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Expanding the Circle

There are different kinds of friends, especially in my life. I have ones that I feel very close to and trust, and there are those I enjoy being around but wouldn't trust them to hand me my handbag without looking through it given the opportunity ( I know, but she's really sweet, just NOSY). I chose to tell someone that before she told me she was coming to see me this weekend, it hadn't occurred to me to tell her about Penny.

So she came and not long after she got here, I caught up on all her drama, then I let her in on my secret. She basically told me she couldn't believe that I hadn't thought to share it with her before... she grew up in California for F*CK'S SAKE!!! (she speaks her mind, as she should)

I told her that it was hard to tell how certain people might react. For example when I told my neighbor who USED to be my friend, he reacted badly. And actually he reacted badly at the most inopportune time. But maybe I'm being cold. He is the one who found Penny's body, not me. He just shielded me from the parts that I could never unsee once seen. In fact, who knows where I would mentally be today had I just come home by myself to find... well, you know.

But his long hurtful tirades about what he thought it meant to CD or be trans, it permanently altered how I thought about him as a person. And for someone who had to fight against the stigma of being gay in the South to be so hard on someone else... I mean that alone is reason enough in my opinion for me to never talk to him again, but there is more... and it's over so I should stop rambling on about it. My girlfriend M had a lot to say on the subject of how the neighbor reacted, so that's why I'm all stirred up about it.

Anyway it felt good to tell her, it also meant I could share pictures and even more about my trip to see Meg because I could be totally honest if she asked any questions (although on a side note she did say she wouldn't have been able to out Meg on her own).

I also shared my blog with her.

It went very well. (Did I say that already?)

YAY!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Reuniting with friends.

I had dinner with R on Tuesday night. I hadn't seen her since before Penny passed. R is one of the only people I know who doesn't use email so I hardly talk to her and we had so much to catch up on.

I don't know what she expected to see or be around, but she kept saying I seemed really happy... and I am. We did talk about some things that made me emotional for a bit. And I did have to admit to her that I have been told that in time I'll only remember the good parts of our relationship but for now it seems it's hard for me to remember good and happy things and I mostly just remember the bad stuff.

But I also remember that it's a process. And honestly I'm really a very happy and positive person so I'm sure that time will come. But I don't dwell on bad things, I just remember sometimes things I am free to do that I used to not feel free to do.

And it's all good. She seemed surprised that I went ahead and told more people about Penny. Part of me would like to tell the whole world, including our families. But I am a realest enough to know that not everyone would take the news well and that I don't want to deal with some of the reactions I would be forced to deal with.

Not sure that makes me  the best person, but I do what I can do...

We talked for quite some time. A lot has been going on in her life as well. It's amazing what all she's gone through. I feel bad for not being an ear for her more... but she is one of those people that I can not see,  then fall right back into sync with.

Those are my favorite kinds of people.

Hugs all! I hope to have more adventures soon :)!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I'm still here :)

I know I just did a week of posting and "poof." Sorry about that. I filled you all in on the deets of my adventure with Meg and now I'm trying to figure out the logistics of where I'm going next. My goal is to move to the DC/Northern VA area. I love it there, and it's full of stuff to do, stuff I want to do and see. It's closer to other places I've never been.

According to the interwebs there is work for me there. I have a lot to sort out from here still. But other positives are I have at least one friend who lives there now, and at least one friend who is in that area frequently! I know from someone here who has lived in that area that Craigslist and Freecycle are both way better and safer to use in that area than they are here. And I know from my visit that I can drive around there and use the metro and I'll be fine. I'm excited. OH, and you should know... I don't rush into things. When I say I'm planning/figuring out stuff it's going to be longer than a couple of weeks. I just wanted to let you know what I'm up to so you don't think I've just abandoned the blog.

As a side note, my best friend from High School is from that area. He told me before I went that I would fall in love with that area. He is so right!!

Hugs ladies!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Tricks for the heat.

I grew up in central Alabama, then moved to Mississippi and currently reside in TN. I am more than used to HOT, HUMID, STICKY and gross summers. I know that one thing I personally do is try to wear as little as possible (in the foundation garment area, I'm not going to be indecent, come on ladies). I like to look for dresses or tops that have that really high waistline so as to leave the actual tummy area in a "free" or unfettered area of the dress. It's a very slimming look because right under the bust area is most everyone's smallest point and having the dress nip in there and go out is very flattering. It will also save you from having to wear a cinch which will increase your body temperature by quite a lot... those undergarments are made for structure, but NOT wearing when it's triple digits and high humidity.

Our "twins" dresses had that high waistline.

Another thing I do to help with all the glowing (southern women don't sweat, we glow and lemme tell you I GLOW like a faucet, LOL), is that I use powder. You can get some lovely femme powder from department stores/ Ulta/ Sephora/drugstores. I use just plain old baby powder because it's inexpensive, easy to find, and it works GREAT. I use it everywhere that glows heavily and I mean everywhere... I apply it post lotion after the lotion has sunk in on the other parts of me because otherwise the powder would stick to the lotion. 

If you wear a wig, then it's just going to be warm. If you have grown your femme hair then I suggest using a pretty headband or hairbows to sweep it away from your face and maybe wear it up in a ponytail or a messy bun. Hair up is cooler than hair down. I usually start with what I think is much cuter hair and then get hot and use those little clips to move it more and more away from my skin and look terrible after I get uncomfortable... you've seen the photos :).

Hugs to you all and I hope some of this is useful :)!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Surprise Adventure V

Sunday (part II):

After we left the swap, we drove to Old Town. Let me say that this was TOTALLY my kind of thing... walking around, looking at things like architecture, birds, water, people, shops, people... you get the idea :). For starters I got to drive and parallel park. For those who are from other areas, you may get to parallel park on a regular basis. This was only the 2nd time in all of my years driving that I have needed to attempt parallel parking.  I did make it without any horrible incident, but I do need more practice. I'm ready ;). (Meg's judgement doesn't count in this, take my word for it)

We ambled along the streets, down to the water and I got to see the beautiful Cherry Blossom riverboat


After seeing the riverboat, Meg and I strolled through the:

I LOVED this place, it really inspired me. I had to come home and start playing with paper, scissors and glue right away. (Have I mentioned my scrapbooking habit?) After we finished here, I was kind of in a panic because I was realizing that my previously unsore foot was developing a major blister. I wasn't quite sure what was going to give first... me or my foot. I didn't want to leave Old Town, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to walk in my super cute strappy sandals much longer. We went into several shops looking at clothing, scarves and jewelry. I was secretly hoping that we'd come across some house shoes or some store that sold something I could exchange my cute shoes for and then: enter the Life is Good store.
I had never actually been in a Life is Good store, but I had seen their t-shirts in other stores and I knew they have a thing about comfort. I could NOT enter that store fast enough. I walked toward the middle of the store and as though it were waiting to smack me, was a display of flipflops. They weren't fancy looking, but they were just what I needed. I picked up a pair in what I thought was my size, laid them on the counter and told the man I'd be wearing them out. He then told me to try them on because they were made small and I'd probably need a bigger size. He was right. Then he rung me up and I almost changed my mind... then I bought the most expensive FLIP FLOPS I have ever seen. They are Flojos. They are also the most comfortable things I have ever stuck on the ends of my feet! They are my super/awesome/fantastic souvenir from this trip! And I have stopped feeling guilty about spending so much on them. 

After another shop or so, it was getting very late for lunch and we hadn't eaten very much at all that day. Meg told me to pick somewhere to eat and shortly after that we were passing a place called La Tosca which is a tapas restaurant. I asked if we could eat tapas because I'd never had them before, turns out Meg hadn't either so tapas it was! Our food was GREAT. The restaurant was pleasantly uncrowded because of the weird hour we were there and we enjoyed a leisurely meal, some awesome window seats perfect for people watching (turns out we both enjoy that!), and chatted away.


On our way back to the car we passed a sweet little place called Lavendar Moon Cupcakery which offered many different kinds of lovely looking cupcakes. I was having some so I pushed Meg into choosing at least 1 cupcake...


And my cupcake, she was delicious! I ate the upper right one. It was a peach cupcake with blackberry frosting. YUM. Meg picked the chocolate and I intended to eat the lemon one before I flew out, but I forgot all about it. Meg said she was yummy so at least she wasn't wasted :). I highly recommend that little cupcakery. It is so lovely and the cupcakes are on different stands behind glass... so femme and lovely.




*As a side note, today would have been Penny's birthday. I'm so happy she was in my life. I'm also happy she is at peace.
Hugs!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Teaser....bathing photo ;)

I'll fill you in on the rest of my surprise adventure tomorrow :)

Hugs!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Surprise Adventure IV

Sunday:

Original plans for Sunday had included the possibility of going to church with Meg. I was looking forward to checking out the UU church as I have never been to one of those (I am a southern girl born and raised... and it might shock you to know that I was raised as a Southern Baptist). After all the playing dress up to judge clothing for Meg and watching of the awesome videos together I once again slept later into the morning than I had planned, and as we weren't really on a set schedule (except for the clothing swap) neither of us was fussed about it.
Meg's eyes and one of my current favorite eye looks... looks better on her because she has bigger lids than I do. Here's the tutorial I used (I used purples instead of blues).

I do NOT own the expensive cream shadow that she uses as a base, I just used primer and shadows for the look above.

After getting dressed (and let me say I LOVED today's makeup!!!), we loaded the car and went to the clothing swap. That was FUN! It was great meeting people, it was great browsing, but the most fun was watching those ladies swapping.
Meg as the "official" swap photographer!

Ladies swapping... early into the swap.

I think my favorite thing about the swap was watching ladies who came in a while after the swap had gotten started. When the new stuff came in, ladies who had already been there for a while rushed over to paw through the new things kind of like vultures. It was HIGHLY entertaining. I talked to several people (which although I don't think most people think of me as shy, it takes me a while to warm up and get comfortable in new situations so I can become the talkative person I am at heart). 

Meg is trying hard to pare down her impressive wardrobe (and I haven't even seen the whole thing, only bits and pieces). I however scored a lovely burnout gypsy style scarf with some impressive fringe (you know the square kind that some really cool people might also use as a table topper). And a LOVELY turquoise colored shell bracelet that looked oh so FABULOUS with the dress I had worn to the swap. I didn't see any clothes that I loved or I wouldn't have been shy about those... I did look. 

After the swap we had a lovely afternoon in Old Town which I'll tell you all about tomorrow.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Surprise Adventure Part III

Saturday morning I woke up... and it was chilly. This was so VERY awkward. It was chilly and overcast and rainy. My right foot had a blister the size of and ipod nano 5th gen. And we had planned to go to the Fringe Festival. After a short discussion on the state of my paw and the weather, it was decided that we'd just hang out and watch some videos and also that I would get to aid in judging some clothing.

THIS is something that I was looking forward to. In my previous incarnations of employment (or my non-scrub wearing jobs), I was a bit of a clothing hoarder... and I still love clothes, I just hardly ever have an opportunity to wear what I call "real clothes" so I have pitifully few of them. (In fact, I bought clothes to take on my trip partially so I'd have enough items to wear... LOL.)

We went through a LOT of clothes. And some I wouldn't even let Meg try on, I deemed them "HORRIBLE" and out they went. But loads more got tried on, some had to go through "testing" to see if they were acceptable for actual wearing out, some things didn't fit, and some were quite lovely. I could have been clothing judge for quite some time. But eventually it got later and we discussed plans for the next day. It was to be the day of the clothing swap and I was excited, it meant meeting new people and clothes (LOL) and we decided we'd go to Old Town to look around.

As an afternoon snack, Meg shared some cookies with me that I am now wishing I could find somewhere around here. But alas, they are from Canada.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Surprise Adventure Part II

Friday:

So there were a couple of things I really wanted to accomplish while I was in the DC area:

Visit with Meg
Check out the area by paying more attention (my trip in December is kind of a blur now)
Ride public transportation (I was born and raised in the south, we don't do that here)
Visit the Smithsonian (and by this I mean the Museum of American History)
Hopefully see Batman: The Dark Knight Rises before it gets spoiled for me

Lucky me, I got to do all that.

The house where Meg is staying is HUGE. I could have slept in a different room every night I was there but it would have been mean to have her do so much laundry, so I confined myself to the one room. I did consent to "help" with her makeup while I am there. I have small hooded eyelids and it is a TON of FUN for me to be able to try out looks on someone with actual lids :). I have also recently gotten a new eyeshadow pallette (the Urban Decay Vegan pallette). I needed some good neutral colors for summertime an I hadn't gotten anything new in the makeup department for WAY too long.

I'm so sorry I didn't take a closeup of these eyes... they were nice. My favorites were the eyes I did on Sunday... but I used brown with an accent of the blue for a nice pop of color. I did a very similar thing to my eyes, but because Meg's are larger the effect was so much nicer on hers.

The dresses we wore (oh, did I mention I brought Meg a dress?) had beaded necklines and I chose to go sans necklace, but I had brought one that looked fab with the dress. Meg was looking for accessories so I put my necklace on her. It looked lovely.

We drove over to a mall and then walked on over to the Metro (station?). This whole ride the Metro thing was so alien to me. But it wasn't nearly as complicated as I had thought it might be (I took a trip to Chicago in 2006, I wanted to ride the train but skipped it as I was afraid it would be way to complex to figure out...). I could get used to public transportation as easy as that!

From the Metro to the Smithsonian...

So this is me, at the museum... yes I am carrying possibly the ugliest handbag in the world but it was also very practical.

I forgot to ask for a copy of the photo of us matching in our dresses. (So can I get a copy of that Meg?) That dress is VERY comfortable and I love how the hemline goes up a bit on each side like a shirt. I am also embarrassed to report that I got a massive blister on one of my feet as we walked around this day. I was ashamed... it just means I need to pull my cute shoes out more than once a year! 

One of the things I enjoyed most while we were at this museum was the exhibit of gowns worn by first ladies, it's so fun to talk about the different fashion styles and what we liked or didn't like about each gown.... heavy sigh, I love clothes.

After we left here we headed over to the Air and Space Museum... and I had my photo taken with a famous Gemini.


Not long after this photo we had a very worthwhile wait to see Batman. All I am going to say is I LOVED the movie and I thought it a fitting end to the Christopher Nolan directed Batman Trilogy. I am also THRILLED that I got to see it in IMAX (the movie was shot mostly in IMAX). It is the first "regular" movie I have ever seen in this format.

As far as wearing matching dresses. It was fun! We got a lot of smiles, several comments and a very special grin from an older gentleman in front of a good humor truck (that part made it particularly memorable to me) as we walked out of the American History Museum. If you don't mind the comments and attention, I vote give it a try. Vacationing families and groups wear matching shirts, why not step it up with some nicer clothing. At least if we'd gotten separated and were trying to find one another it would have been super easy to describe what we had on (she's wearing this dress).

Saturday, July 28, 2012

I found something

I went to Walgreens today. Hormones were rampant at work and chocolate and caffeine was needed by many. I needed some other things so I volunteered to clock out and run the quick errand over there.

I walked past an endcap and noticed some movies on clearance. One of them was a movie called TransAmerica. I plan to watch sometime today and I'll give you my review tomorrow.

I have done nothing more than look up the trailer so as to not spoil it for myself.

If you've seen it, let me know what you think.

Hugs.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Surprise Adventure...

I've been holding out on you all. Please don't be upset. The last time I planned an adventure, it was a bust. I was all set to go to Chicago in February (I think it was February... it's been so long ago LOL). I was all set to go and the weather decided at the very last hour, it was NOT to be. (I had actually driven 3 hours to an airport that was a bundle cheaper than my own airport ... and when I got to the gate, my flight was cancelled. Long story short that trip is still on hold/cancelled.)
So when I started planning another trip, I didn't want to jinx it.

I went to visit Meg for a few days.

I still can't believe how much fun I had.

I got off work a bit early on Wednesday evening and drove to stay with some friends in Birmingham. I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to finish up some last minute things on Thursday on someone else's schedule, my flight was delayed, then delayed again... and then it finally departed.

I LOVE FLYING. I haven't done it a ton, but I really like it. I relaxed enough on this flight to start a movie I brought with me. (Bridesmaids... total raunchy chick flick... I HIGHLY recommend it!) When we were still about 20 minutes from landing I noticed a flash and got to watch lightening from the plane. It was so lovely it took my breath away.

When we landed on the runway they shuttled us to the actual airport and the floodgates in the skies opened up. As I entered the airport there was announcement after announcement that flights were being cancelled.

I calmly found my way to the rental car place, and by the time I got to my rental car, the rain had calmed down. I set the address on my little iphone app and drove to Meg's (I only got lost twice, which I think is pretty good.)

She met me at the door wearing a lovely long sleeved paisley pink/sherbert/white print georgette top and a lovely flouncy skirt that was a solid pinky color that went lovely with the top. Her makeup was lovely and I was impressed she looked so fresh as I was getting there rather later than planned.  I felt tired and frumpy even though I had worn a super comfy dress made of black jersey material. I wish I had a pic of that dress to share... I have a coworker who wore the same dress when we went to see Magic Mike and I was thrilled to find one for myself. It's kind of a perfect summer lbd. I'll wear it again sometime and get a pic for you :).

This marked the first evening of girltalk keeping us up later than either of us intended... LOL but what 'cha gonna do?

Friday, July 6, 2012

Celebrating A New Girl Experience

Ok, so I know you are all about having girl experiences, and I'm wondering how many of you have considered...

Let me step back. You may or may not know there is a stripper movie out right now. It's a movie about male strippers. And you may or may not know anything about the frenzy these dancers supposedly whip the audience up to.

I have never seen strippers perform in real life... not male or female strippers. I have now been to see this movie, Magic Mike twice. Once with a girlfriend who doesn't like to be a part of a large crowd, and once with a crowd that totaled five ladies from where I work. Both times I had a similar experience.

When the male dancers were on stage and the ladies on the screen were screaming and yelling, quite a few of the ladies in the audience did the exact same thing. It has to be something about all that estrogen being in a confined area, it's unlike any actual situation I've been in before. The term mass hysteria comes to mind. And I too, screamed and made catcalls. It was like I couldn't not do it. None of those men were anything I'd actually want to go out with, but for some reason, the gyrating, the lights the music and the female frenzy was too much to resist.

And it was a lot of fun.

And there is a brief moment of Tatum Channing in a dress, no facial hair (in fact, they are missing a lot of the hair that I'm often reading that "wives would miss" if their spouse chose to shave it off for their cding).

Hope everyone who celebrates the 4th of July had a happy one.

Hugs!

(If anyone goes while femulating... PLEASE let me know how it is for you!)


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Time may change me

2012 has been such an amazing year so far. I have never felt so in tune with my own self. I wonder how you ladies are doing on your own journeys. If you follow Meg you know she is spending some important time getting in touch with herself right now. I am sending many good vibes her way.

It's important to know yourself. I remember being asked months ago what kind of stuff I liked and being stumped. I have some answers to that question now. I feel more confident about things and myself. I feel like a woman and I feel strong. I also know how to let myself be vulnerable with those that I love and trust. I have more control over what to say when someone asks about my marital status. It doesn't make me want to cry, or make me defensive. I can refer to the time I was married and not sound pitiful or blurt out that I'm no longer married because my spouse is dead. I can do this intentionally.

I've made it past my birthday and what was my wedding anniversary. The only thing coming up that Penny really loved is Halloween. She hated sunshine and summer stuff. I don't really anticipate problems for Halloween. I just don't feel the dread that I did before the anniversary came and went. Not for Halloween. I feel dread about November.

I also think it's natural. The one year anniversary of "the event" might be a bit hard. In my heart I feel like if I can get away from here, this house, where it happened that things will be ok. I know that means I'm giving power to an object, but I am living here, so I am facing it. I use the space where it happened so it's not set off as some sort of shrine or sacred space. A part of me wants to treat it as a celebration day. The day Penny freed herself from pain and allowed me to become the person I was meant to be, the strong woman she always said was inside me. The one I didn't really think was there for years. I thought I had lost her, I just kept her tucked away. I won't make that mistake again.

I feel like I have sane control of my life. I feel like my decisions are mine and mine alone. I feel like I have morphed into that Wonder Woman that I have kept on a petal-stool (reference to IT Crowd moment here).




Saturday, June 23, 2012

What I chose :)

I have an awesome friend who doesn't mind telling me the truth (actually I'm lucky enough to have more than one of those but this post is about one in particular). I was having a pity party this time last week, and as the week progressed I was getting more and more panicked on how the anniversary was going to be. She took me to task, and I admit I thought she was being a bit harsh at first, but I understood why she did it.

She basically told me that if I wanted to be sad on the anniversary of the day I married Penny, to go ahead... but that being sad would be my choice. That I could choose to be miserable and feel sorry for myself, or that I could do something about it. She asked me what I'd be doing if Penny was alive. the answer to that was easy, I'd be feeling sorry for myself because it would be an anniversary that we didn't celebrate. Penny only wanted to celebrate years that ended in a 5 or 0. She didn't see the point of celebrating every year.

So I bought myself a gift the day before, some new luggage to travel with. I have FINALLY gotten some vacation time at work and I intend to use it as soon as I can finalize some plans :). It's pretty and brightly colored, and just mine :). I gave my old luggage to that very same friend. I had a different good friend contact me early in the week just to tell me that she had made plans to be available on Thursday if I should want some company, or just to sleep at a place that is not this house. She said we could go out, or order in, or whatever I want. We went out. To Jim N Nick's BBQ which is one of my FAVORITE places to eat (and not just for bbq as I had catfish and a fruity libation). I talked and laughed and had a wonderful dinner, then went home EXHAUSTED from work which decided to give me more hours than I had originally been scheduled for AND I got an extra petsitting job that day as well.

I had planned for some sad time like the therapist told me too, and I wound up being AT WORK those hours, and I guess it just worked itself out there, because I didn't have anything left to be sad about when I got home :).

I really did think despite everything it would be terrible, but it wasn't.

YAY!!


Thursday, June 21, 2012

16 years ago today...

Sixteen years ago today, I was a bride. It was a lovely wedding in a country church in rural Alabama. I thought I knew almost everything about the man I was about to marry. I thought his biggest secret was that he liked wearing ladies undergarments every now and again. I was fascinated that he would do this, as I had thought it was so hot, ever since the first time I saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I wish I had known everything, had done more research and had thought or known about being more supportive in those beginning years.

I am so thankful to have met so many wonderful and caring ladies over the last few years.

Hugs everyone. Today has been a good day overall. And I never expected that.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It's been too long!

Hugs ladies, I've been missing you. I've also been waiting to have something worthwhile to say. Not sure if I've gotten that second part down yet, but here goes.
I recently marked something off my bucket list (as a side note I also wrote down my bucket list).

That was the simple thing of going to a movie alone. With only myself as company. I have no idea why it has taken me so long to do that, but it's ok. I did it.

When I was in college I had a few silly goals which included learning to drink coffee, learn to take naps, and eat alone at a restaurant. I had no trouble with those at all. But as I got out of college and got married I let doing things alone fall by the wayside. Penny went to movies alone whenever she wished. (in drab) She had been doing that ever since she was old enough to drive. The town I grew up in was nowhere near a movie theatre, so I did not. And I always thought it was a little sad not to be able to review the movie with one another as you walked out of the theatre.

I was wrong, it's awesome :).

I mean, awesome in the sense that I don't mind doing it again, it no longer holds fear for me, but I'm not going to turn down company either.

I saw Rock of Ages and sang and laughed until I cried. I keep hearing reviews that the movie tries to take itself seriously but I didn't find that to be the case. I went knowing it was over the top and enjoyed the heck out of it.

As you were ladies :)

Saturday, May 26, 2012

6 Month Update.

I'm positive that I'm the only one concentrating on this today, but it was six months ago today I lost Penny. I thought about it right before I went to sleep last night, and it was the first thing on my mind when I woke up (well the first thing after the meowing of the cats I'm petsitting for... they did let me sleep a couple of minutes extra LOL just not as much as I wanted to). I'm not as sad as I thought I would be on this day. I'm grateful.

I'm grateful to have the friends that I have and the adventures that I have had. I'm looking forward to my future in ways I couldn't have imagined six months ago. I've learned that I am a strong person... and that it's ok to let yourself have moments of weakness, it doesn't take away from you being strong, it means more. It means that you have accepted your whole self and understand that strong people have emotions and they are ok to express.

Hugs!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

They are doing it... sort of again!

Ok, I know there are SOME of you lovely ladies out there who would probably like it if I NEVER mentioned this show again... but this post is about Glee.

The makers of Glee did a show last summer where they did a big open call and then whittled it down to find new students for the show. This year they are doing it again and they have chosen an actual transgender teen who has already started hormone therapy. He is really talented and I LOVE that his parents are supporting him in who he is.

His name is Tyler and here is an interview where he talks a bit about why he wants to be involved with GLEE.


This show gives parents another opportunity to open up conversation with their kids and talk about transgender.

I <3 GLEE!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Starships Take OFF!!!

Unique appears on GLEE again!!! Let's support her ladies!!! I have a feeling that she will be a main character next year!

WOOT!!

AND she did another song.... Pinball Wizard :)

Enjoy ladies... I'm not sure how Alex actually identifies in real life, but he's fabulous performing!!!


AND because this is special to me, enjoy a GLEE take on a Meatloaf classic that will introduce a new generation to the good stuff ;)



HUGS!!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Public Transgender News!!

A friend pointed me in the direction of this youtube video last night:
Wether you enjoy this type of music or not, I think you'll find the lyrics important :

"The Ocean"

If I could have chosen where God would hide his heaven, 
I would wish for it to be in the salt and swell of the ocean. 
Carried by the currents to all continents' shores. 
Reaching into depths where the sun’s light has never shown. 
Mixed with algae and coral. 
Breathed in by sharks and dolphins. 
Sailed by tanker ships, private yachts, swam in by tourists. 
Working its way up through inlets, lakes, and rivers, swamps, and estuaries. 
Down through limestone into the aquifer.
Purified by the county, pumped through pipes and out faucets. 
Filled into a glass to meet the thirst of our children.

If I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman. 
My mother once told me she would have named me Laura. 
I would grow up to be strong and beautiful like her. 
One day I’d find an honest man to make my husband. 
We would have two children, build our home on the Gulf of Mexico. 
Our family would spend hot summer days at the beach together. 
The sun would kiss our skin as we played in the sand and water. 
We would know we loved each other without having to say it. 
At night we would sleep with the windows of our house left open. 
Letting the cool ocean air soothe the sunburned shoulders of our children.

There is an Ocean in my soul where the waters do not curve.

The lead singer came out publicly yesterday as transgender. She's going to be transitioning into Laura. As of right now, she plans to stay with her wife and daughter.


I was glad to find out. I thought you all would be too!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I DID SOMETHING...FUN April 25th lol

I went to see... a musical at the Orpheum

I LOVED the opportunity to get out dressed up... I hardly ever go anywhere like this and I've had a red dress burning a hole in my closet. I did take a quick pic after I got dressed, but wish I had taken a little more time with it...

My hair needs some major work LOL, but it was ok... before I left anyway. I changed at a friend's house because it was close to work. The best thing about this dress (other than the color) is the way the top enhances the bust. It makes you look... more generous than maybe you are. That's a wrap in my other hand ladies, it was supposed to get into the low sixties that night and I thought I might need it walking back to the car.

The play was so funny, I actually laughed so hard I cried!!! I suggest if it comes anywhere near your town, you get all pretty and GO!!! (And if you need someone to go with, just let me know ;))



Thursday, April 26, 2012

Overdue Photo, Explanation, Apology

To begin with I want to show you that if you come to Memphis, I will meet you :).

This is Jeri and myself at dinner. I wrote about our meeting on this post. She is awesome!

If you watched the T-Mobile commercial, the big deal was the tagline "No more Mr. Nice Girl."

I took that as a giveaway that the T in T-Mobile might belong with the Trans community.

I apologize to anyone who might be/have been offended by the pronoun usage, when I posted it I was really excited and had just seen it and had taken for granted that the particular pronoun usage was to "out" themselves. I posted right before I went to sleep and all yesterday I had this really bad feeling that I might be offending people, but couldn't get to a computer long enough to fix it. So please forgive me if you were offended, that was NOT my intention at all.

Hugs to you all!

Aeify

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I feel so slow...

My bestie Ang showed this to me last night...



The tagline had me SQUEALING IN DELIGHT!!!

And then my friend said: T - Mobile... now I get it!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

GLEE--MUST READ AND SEE!!!

I know I have begged you all to watch Glee, to give it a chance because of the acceptance that this show is promoting to the youth of our country. I think it's a show parents and teens should watch together to open the doors of discussion.

Well, I don't have cable anymore, it was that or the internet and my bff Google would miss me too much, and I'd miss you all too much so I picked internet. So I watch my "tv" shows mostly at Hulu. Hulu plus is less than 10.00 per month if you can't wait a few days to see the shows when they go free for regular folks, and some shows are Hulu plus exclusive (um, it's worth it btw). So now that I have freely advertised for the man, let me tell you about this week's episode.

They had a Male to Female transgender teen on an episode.

If you are looking for an opening, and anyone in your house is a fan of the show, I highly suggest you watch the whole episode. The whole T thing rocked these little accepting kids' world. I am so glad they let Alex star in the song like this. I'm going to be honest, I don't know if he is actually transgender. I watched the show the Glee Project where he won the opportunity to be in some episodes and he himself prettied up for some performing... he said it was for the song he chose, but I wasn't sure. I'm still not, I can't know what's in his heart. But I know that he never came to life with his marvelous voice dressed in drab like he did in drag. The creator of the show, Ryan Murphy was so impressed when this young boy came out and performed pretty, and he mentioned that he had been wanting to introduce a transgendered character to the show. I was sure this was at least another season off. I was wrong.

Here's the clip of the performance by : Unique (which is what the male character in the show wanted his femme character to be named)
Warning: The leader of the group that Unique was singing for had no idea that it wouldn't be Wade... he didn't know anything about Unique and he tried to get her to stop performing. But she doesn't. :)


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

New Friends!

I made a new friend yesterday. Her name is Jeri. She's tall and lovely. Dresses well and loves to pop the color (which is something I personally love!). We met and had dinner (I had two glasses of wine). It was incredibly lovely!!

We just gabbed and gabbed, I'm surprised either of us had a chance to eat we talked so much. We chatted away about clothes, shoes, our families and what we do for a living. It was FANTASTIC!

I hope she gets to Memphis again sometime. Meg is the one who got us in touch with one another. There were some ladies trying to meet in another area and Jeri mentioned she would be here, so Meg asked me if I'd like to meet her and vice versa, we exchanged emails and wound up having an awesome dinner! (And I didn't get weird and emotional and cry or anything, so I have references if you need any LOL but I did let my "bama" out a bit because we were discussing the South... I try to keep that way down inside most of the time).

Hugs everyone!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Other Exciting Adventures

My super special friend Meg gave me a heads-up and info on a lady that's visiting Memphis soon. It seems she is more a blog reader than a blogger herself, but I've sent my contact info and hope she responds soon... wish me luck! I'm looking forward to meeting new friends!


Monday, April 16, 2012

New Possibilites

If you have met others in the cd/tg community, how do you decide who is "safe" to meet? Have you ever decided to meet someone then all of a sudden have your spidey senses kick in and tell you it might not be the best idea?

When Penny was around, I simply trusted her judgement. Anyone she talked about wanting to meet is automatically on my ok to meet with list. I have the opportunity to meet someone who contacted me after her death and am not exactly sure if now that the time is here that I am 100% comfortable. I have agreed to do it, and am putting safety precautions in place. There has just been a bit of oddness between the first phone calls and more recent ones that has my sense of danger flared.

Right now I have a meeting in public with my own transportation planned. I can't see that anything might go wrong, but I'm sure there might be a flaw here somewhere.

It could be nothing, but I'm trying to trust my instincts more these days as they don't normally let me down if I give in to them...

Hugs!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Perfect People for a Non Perfect Task

The parents of my godchildren are coming today! They will come and help me go through Penny's room. Penny had various hobbies and she always had her own space... in every place we ever lived. There was always a room I didn't enter unless I was specifically invited.

I didn't think it was weird for a married couple to have this, no matter how many people said it was. I thought it made me awesome. Sometimes I wonder if I'd gone in there more often if I would have found out about Penny sooner. I mean really it's amazing to me what I thought I knew from before we got married to what it became all of a sudden.

The only thing I asked her for, was to share it all with me. It was her life, and to me the sharing was what you do when you are married.

The room is full. It's full of musical equipment, books, femme stuff like clothes, wigs, and who knows... there are cds in the hundreds and action figures and notebooks full of writing. So many notebooks.

Today was the first time it occurred to me that I might not be the only person this is going to be hard for. That it might be hard for my friends as well. It also occurred to me this is one of those things you can't thank people properly for. I just hope in some way the action of what we are doing is theraputic in nature and helps us all.

I'm thinking of you all!

Hugs!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Some other kind of anniversary.

My marriage was not just unusual in that my spouse was transgender. We celebrated differently than most couples. It was ok by me. Really, we talked about it. We didn't get very many vacations while we were married. We went on a honeymoon right after we got married where we drove all over the east side of TN and up into NC. Then back to Sweet Home Alabama. Then 9 years later we got another vacation. We went to Chicago. Then a couple years later to Walt Disney World. Then last April... almost a year ago exactly we had a few days to vacay to Chattanooga which is where we spent a lot of time on the honeymoon. This trip was different in that Penny went as well. We drove from Memphis to Nashville with Penny dressed (mostly) no makeup, bra and women's clothing, Men's hoodie and shoes. This was a big deal.

I wanted Penny to go all the way with full makeup and women's shoes but he wanted to hold back, he just wasn't ready.

We also spent time shopping for Penny where he was out in drab, but dared to try on women's shoes in public! It was awesome.

I am SO SAD! I don't want to be sad, I want to be happy that I was there, that I got to share in it. We didn't get to go to Ruby Falls on this trip, it got flooded out. We did get to trek back around Rock City which was really important to us.

I don't even know how to describe how it bittersweet those memories are now. He was so insistent that I buy the silly see rock city birdhouse I'd been wishing I had ever since we went on our honeymoon. It's still in the house, I had never put it outside.

I want to drink so heavily right now, I'd give almost anything to be able to take the rest of today off work and drink until I can't feel anything anymore. I know people sometimes tell me I should let things out more, but really it's hard. The person that I had that I could show all of that vulnerablity to is gone. It's hard to just be that way around even people I have known and loved for years.

Why would they want to be around it. It's not fun, or pretty.

Ok, time to go visit the therapy blog. Just wanted to share with you ladies too...

Hugs!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

What we all want, really

I am a cis-girl who identifies herself as straight and is for a fact, sexually attracted to men dressed as women. I am also attracted to men dressed as men.

I do not think I am better than anyone else who identifies in any other way. I do not hold anything against trans-women  or trans-men at any stage of their development.

That being said, I would just like to say that even cis-girls and boys need acceptance in their life.

I know I touched on the subject when I posted about watching "The Help." And ever since then, I've been doing some reflecting (ok, really since Penny died I've been doing a lot of reflecting wether I wanted to or not). As much as Penny wanted acceptance from people, and as much as she wanted to accept herself, she had problems with it. I loved her just as she was... or just as she told me she was. I wanted her to do and be whatever it was that she felt she should be. I have tried to honor, care for and support all of my online trans family and friends, but lately I have come to realize that it's not just people that society deem as "different" who need acceptance.

I have had a lot of problems with my mother since Penny passed away. My mother is very immature (sorry, it's a fact... I'm not trying to disrespect) and doesn't understand why I am not at her home in Alabama in the bosom of my family getting over my loss. I can't even wrap my head around why I would leave my home and job and life to go wallow in self pity and various cakes and pies and fried chicken and dumplings that mama would try to use to make me feel better.

I asked her why she couldn't just be proud of me like my daddy. She said it was because me staying here meant I didn't love her... didn't need her... it had nothing to do with me being raised to be a strong and independent woman on my own.

My friends that are left... the old ones that I had when I was married. They have accepted me, the single me that I am becoming. They accept that I HAVE to make jokes about suicide from time to time, it's part of how I deal with things. The new friends I have made, they know me from my voice here, or from meeting me since I became Wonder Woman and they just have to accept face value.

There are people who don't like me as much. I have had to just let them fall to the side. They like the me who just went with the flow, did whatever they wanted... I don't even know who that person is or where she came from. No one I grew up with would.

I don't want friends that don't accept who I am. I want people who know and love me for me. Because I'm worth something!

You are too, you know.

Choose your friends wisely. It's what you get to do when you are a grown up.

Hugs.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Some movie reviews for you...

I went to the movies a couple of times last week. I thought I'd let you know what I thought and wether or not you should check them out, and possibly if you'd even enjoy them at all :)

John Carter- the screenplay was based on the book A Princess of Mars. I really, really enjoyed this movie. It was pure fantasy with some steampunky sci-fi elements and REALLY cool costumes that seemed influenced by gladiators and egyptians. That being said, I have to say that this over all felt like a classic "B" movie with it's cheesy pet character (adorable and unnecessary) thrown in just for the kids in the audience as well as you can tell at some point Disney decided they weren't backing this 100% and this movie contains some of the cheapest looking greenscreen work since I don't even know when (I mean, if I can TELL it's greenscreen, it doesn't look real people! I would encourage you to go see it in the movies if you love sci-fi just to encourage the people who make movies to make more along this line, also I don't know that I've ever seen a "B" movie in the theatre before and it sure was fun! Also my girlfriend who went with me was seeing it for the second time and she says there's tons of stuff you miss on the first viewing that makes it worth a second shot.

Mirror Mirror- This is a refreshing take on the Snow White story for a  modern age. This sentence is exactly one that would normally make me want to vomit and probably never watch the movie, but it's true and I loved it! Even being the fairy tale "purest" in heart LOL. The dialogue is fantastic, Julia Roberts is SO GOOD at being WICKED!!! Snow White looks like Audrey Hepburn reincarnated and well, I do love Nathan Lane. He may be a bit underutilized, but if he was more in the movie you know he would have stolen it.
It is PG... but I don't recommend it for kids under 10. Or for kids who aren't fond of language. It's very wordy, not much in the animation department and there are enough jokes strictly for parents that you don't need to even have kids to go and enjoy yourself (that would be the department I'm in). I loved it all.... and the costumes took my breath away!

If you've seen, or go to see either of these ~ let me know what you think!

Hugs!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Gearing Up!

I've not been doing much exciting as of late. I do have some things I'm lining up for the future. Soon (As in probably May) I will be running in my first 5k. I have a feeling I will only be running a portion of the race and walking most of it, but I'm fine with that, I'm ready... I just need to sign up :).

Also I'm going to get to meet another cd.com member this April. AKAMichelle is coming to Memphis and we are meeting for dinner. I've been talking to her on and off for a few months now and am excited to put an actual face with the voice rather than a picture! Don't forget ladies, any of you that are coming near Memphis just let me know... I'd love to meet you all. :)

Hugs!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Are you LMFAO?

I was sending a link to a music video today. I'm trying to decide if I should send my mom the lyrics to LMFAO's I'm sexy and I know it song... she has this as her ringtone and I'm SURE she doesn't know what the song is about...

Anyway I have watched this ridiculous video way more times than I am proud of, because the first time it was mostly shock factor, I had to watch it more than once... like Natural Born Killers or Pulp Fiction.

Today I noticed something I hadn't noticed before.

The lead singer for LMFAO doesn't appear to have arm or leg hair (no chest hair either but for some reason I didn't think that was significant).

Then I was looking and noticed a LOT of the guys in the video seemed smooth (is Ron Jeremy leg hairless?)

I thought I would share, please if you don't already know or like this song, turn down the sound before viewing, you may not want to blast it...

And, I think this video bodes well for those of you that want to remain hairless all the time... that it's the in thing to do for younger people and aren't wives always jumping on the latest in bandwagon?

Submitted for your own critique, the video in question:


Thursday, March 22, 2012

SO, what's going on...

Many times I get a post prepared and just can't finish it. I want to have more to say to you all, but feel like a fraud. I don't have as much going on in the T-world. I don't really know anyone personally in my area and my own T-girl is gone. I have my special relationships with a few of you lovely ladies out there, but you aren't close enough here for me to drive over and spend time with. And so I wonder why anyone continues to read.

I will tell you that I hope to have lots more T adventures in the future. And if all goes as planned, it won't be from Memphis. I have been working on another blog lately. Well, I have two more, but one is for therapy.

I was having some trouble at work, just one day every two weeks, but it was bad and I didn't know what to do so I told my grief therapist. She suggested that I take time to really concentrate on my grief more. Her suggestion proved too much for me. So I decided instead of spending a ton of time on "feeling my grief" at once, I'd visit it every day. This has proved to be an awesome experience. It's also one I haven't really shared with more than a couple of people. Now I'm telling all of you. There is one really special friend who reads it every single day. I don't really understand why anyone would want to. I've had another friend or two I've told about it who wanted the blog addy. I give it to anyone who asks, but tell them it's hard to read. It's hard to write, but it feels great when it's over...

I am moving upwards and onwards. Just like I want to. It is a process, but life is a process, becoming who and what you are meant to be is a process.

The journey is awesome. Not always good awesome, but always awesome.

Hugs everyone!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What about PFX?

So I went to B'ham and had a great time... slept way too little (as per usual). I had a surprise waiting on me when I got there... I knew my friend was getting tickets to see the Pink Floyd Experience from his wife for his bday. But what I didn't know, was that when he found out the concert was going to be when I was in Birmingham, they went and got a third ticket, for me! He had gone with Penny (um, in drab of course, because "Penny" hadn't been fully realized at the time) to see actual Pink Floyd when we were all still in college, the last time they toured. Pink Floyd Experience was doing the entire Wish You Were Here album as part of their set... the first part. I was nervous about going, but I accepted that this must be supposed to happen. My therapist said I needed to grieve more and well, I knew that I would sob listening to that album. They did the entire album as the first part of the show. Nothing else they played really upset me. (I think I did shed a few tears during Comfortably Numb...)

They did something that surprised me. There was quite a long intermission between the first part of the show and the second. I found myself wishing that they would do what I have forever called the "silly scream song" but that was mostly to irritate my spouse in a loving manner. I know the name of the song is Astronomy Domine. Penny was fascinated by Syd Barrett and obsessed over every nuance and song lyric... I was so glad that one of his songs was included in the "experience".

I played Fluxx and Monty Python Fluxx which I would love to add to my collection... if you love games then give some version of Fluxx a chance, or send me your birthdate and address so I can send you one :)

I got to visit with almost my whole immediate family thanks to them all being centrally located and willing to all meet for lunch after church. (LOL)

I know this is kind of boring, but hey... it's my life. :)

And those of you reading, at least some of you do want to know. I'm looking for more new things in my future. Hugs everyone...

Friday, March 9, 2012

Bama Bound :)

I know, I 've been going to Alabama a whole lot... really not as much as in years past, but still... it's a lot with the price of gas today and the fact that I am now a single-income household. But this is probably going to be my last trip for a while.
My dear late Penny, God rest her soul, and I kept a few friends from college. One of them just recently turned 40 (the weekend I was supposed to be in Chicago). So I am going to visit and give him a hard time (lol). And see my grandkids (his boys call me Gramma, which I am totally cool with).

My first big home issue came up this week. My AC quit working (I live in the South, remember). So I have a repairman here now trying to fix it. My choice was a repair that might last a while or replace all of the upstairs bits. The second part was not even an option for me at this time.

I can't wait to get to B'ham. I want to see my AL peeps. I want them to see what I am becoming. Some of my friends have told me it is good to talk to me on the phone, that I am more the me I was in college... the out loud version of myself. It feels really good! I had forgotten there were people who knew me before I was a couple.

Hugs!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Beware the Ides of March!

Every year when March approaches I remember the warning from the play. I saw Julius Caesar at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival when I was in the 9th grade. I went back every year for one play or another (and good dates when I could get them LOL) because it is such a wonderful place to go and the productions are really top notch (or they are in my opinion and that is what counts, right?).

I know we aren't quite to the ides, but this year seems to be flying by... wasn't it just January? I'm not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, I'm LIVING! I've talked to some of you in private and have loved all of the support you've given me. You will never know how the smallest word has made me feel supported by you all! I so hope one day soon to have even more happy news to share with you all. Right now my happy news is that I am happy.

I loved Penny, both sides of her personality. I also love myself. I know that many of you have said that my story must have been too good to be true.

I took some time to reread my blog. Nope, every word is true. I wrote down exactly what I felt when I felt it. But there of course is another side to the story. Nothing to do with trans issues, but to do with our marriage. It wasn't all fun and games, and we had regular problems just like every other couple. We fought about mundane things and one of us was the "giver" in the relationship and one was the "taker."

Not even our relatives knew when we were having problems, so please don't think I regulated only the fluffy stuff for the blog. There is a post where I talk about how horrible I am...

But know this, I know that what Penny did had NOTHING to do with me or our marriage. As most couples do, we had the talk many times about what our plans were if something bad should happen to one of us, and I'm doing exactly what Penny wanted... I am living my life exactly as I want to. She often wondered if her introversion kept me from doing things, and it didn't. But now I don't have to worry about it at all.

I am a bit of an extrovert, but not extreme. I love to go outside and I love to play board and card games and that always works better with a few people. I don't need loud parties or a ton of people. One or two work wonders. I don't like to be alone all the time so I'm not. And I don't plan to be.

I went to Paint a Piece yesterday between work shifts and had a great time with a girlfriend. Saturday was an all day trip to and from a funeral out of town (but not someone close to me, it was someone close to my very good friends). Friday was extra fun because I had a bonus thing... I went to Moe's with my friends from work and while I was there, a girlfriend called, she had been stood up by another girlfriend of hers so she asked me to come have margaritas with her... how could I resist?


Hugs everyone!

Monday, February 27, 2012

A New Year, New Things

I'm having another therapy appointment tomorrow. It's just my third visit. I think it helps, and it's always good to have an impartial third party to discuss things with! I wasn't sure I would like it at first. The other two times I had near panic attacks thinking of going... and my stress level grew as the day and time of the appointment approached. Today was when I noticed I wasn't getting all freaked an nervous like normal.

It made me smile to realize that. I have a list of things to go over in my "hour." I have confidence she'll be able to give me pointers on some things I feel like I can't control. I have no problem showing emotions, and I try to show them at "appropriate" times and places but sometimes it just comes out. I let it. It's good. I'm having a lot of good days and people at work tell me it's ok to be upset if I need to, but I know that :).

And the animals help. They give so much unconditional love. Working in the kennel and in treatment I get to ride the roller coaster frequently. Routine surgery, emergency surgery, other procedures that do and don't mean life or death. New puppies and kittens. Saying goodbye to patients I know almost as well as my own pets. It's a great place to help you become well adjusted emotionally if you weren't before.  Well, maybe not, but it's great. Sometimes the days are really hard, but the other people there and I try to all take care of one another. If someone can't handle something, we take turns, step in, step up, take over or hug them.

I love working with the animals, and the others who care for them as well.

I wish you all love and support both online and off.

You all deserve it.

If you ever need me, I'm only an email away.

HUGS!