Some other kind of anniversary.

My marriage was not just unusual in that my spouse was transgender. We celebrated differently than most couples. It was ok by me. Really, we talked about it. We didn't get very many vacations while we were married. We went on a honeymoon right after we got married where we drove all over the east side of TN and up into NC. Then back to Sweet Home Alabama. Then 9 years later we got another vacation. We went to Chicago. Then a couple years later to Walt Disney World. Then last April... almost a year ago exactly we had a few days to vacay to Chattanooga which is where we spent a lot of time on the honeymoon. This trip was different in that Penny went as well. We drove from Memphis to Nashville with Penny dressed (mostly) no makeup, bra and women's clothing, Men's hoodie and shoes. This was a big deal.

I wanted Penny to go all the way with full makeup and women's shoes but he wanted to hold back, he just wasn't ready.

We also spent time shopping for Penny where he was out in drab, but dared to try on women's shoes in public! It was awesome.

I am SO SAD! I don't want to be sad, I want to be happy that I was there, that I got to share in it. We didn't get to go to Ruby Falls on this trip, it got flooded out. We did get to trek back around Rock City which was really important to us.

I don't even know how to describe how it bittersweet those memories are now. He was so insistent that I buy the silly see rock city birdhouse I'd been wishing I had ever since we went on our honeymoon. It's still in the house, I had never put it outside.

I want to drink so heavily right now, I'd give almost anything to be able to take the rest of today off work and drink until I can't feel anything anymore. I know people sometimes tell me I should let things out more, but really it's hard. The person that I had that I could show all of that vulnerablity to is gone. It's hard to just be that way around even people I have known and loved for years.

Why would they want to be around it. It's not fun, or pretty.

Ok, time to go visit the therapy blog. Just wanted to share with you ladies too...

Hugs!