Thursday, April 5, 2012

What we all want, really

I am a cis-girl who identifies herself as straight and is for a fact, sexually attracted to men dressed as women. I am also attracted to men dressed as men.

I do not think I am better than anyone else who identifies in any other way. I do not hold anything against trans-women  or trans-men at any stage of their development.

That being said, I would just like to say that even cis-girls and boys need acceptance in their life.

I know I touched on the subject when I posted about watching "The Help." And ever since then, I've been doing some reflecting (ok, really since Penny died I've been doing a lot of reflecting wether I wanted to or not). As much as Penny wanted acceptance from people, and as much as she wanted to accept herself, she had problems with it. I loved her just as she was... or just as she told me she was. I wanted her to do and be whatever it was that she felt she should be. I have tried to honor, care for and support all of my online trans family and friends, but lately I have come to realize that it's not just people that society deem as "different" who need acceptance.

I have had a lot of problems with my mother since Penny passed away. My mother is very immature (sorry, it's a fact... I'm not trying to disrespect) and doesn't understand why I am not at her home in Alabama in the bosom of my family getting over my loss. I can't even wrap my head around why I would leave my home and job and life to go wallow in self pity and various cakes and pies and fried chicken and dumplings that mama would try to use to make me feel better.

I asked her why she couldn't just be proud of me like my daddy. She said it was because me staying here meant I didn't love her... didn't need her... it had nothing to do with me being raised to be a strong and independent woman on my own.

My friends that are left... the old ones that I had when I was married. They have accepted me, the single me that I am becoming. They accept that I HAVE to make jokes about suicide from time to time, it's part of how I deal with things. The new friends I have made, they know me from my voice here, or from meeting me since I became Wonder Woman and they just have to accept face value.

There are people who don't like me as much. I have had to just let them fall to the side. They like the me who just went with the flow, did whatever they wanted... I don't even know who that person is or where she came from. No one I grew up with would.

I don't want friends that don't accept who I am. I want people who know and love me for me. Because I'm worth something!

You are too, you know.

Choose your friends wisely. It's what you get to do when you are a grown up.


1 comment:

  1. Your comments are similar to those from a friend of mine who has transitioned. Transitioning means losing old friends and, in many cases, some family members. It also means making new friends.

    I told my friend to write off those, whether family or not, who will not longer accept her as she is. Similarly, A, those who won't accept your life style or the fact that you need to grieve for a while are to be written off. I can tell that you have a lot to offer and are full of love and yearning for friendship. There are many out there who will rush to be around you....the new you.

    Calie xxx


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