Saturday, September 4, 2010

Is it that I'm not feminine?

This is a common question that seems to come about from genetic girl partners of transgendered men. It is a question that I personally struggle with from time to time. When I look at my role models from childhood I always remember what I thought then: "Mama is in charge" and "Women rule the household. "It may shock you that I had these thoughts as I was raised in a definite Southern Baptist household, but that's how it appeared at my house.

I never once thought of my parents as anything other than there presented gender. On thinking back, maybe I think I'm so masculine at times because after passing puberty and deciding that screaming like a madwoman wasn't any way to get what you want out of life. I tried to emulate my father more and more.

He's a very quiet person most of the time but outgoing and kind. I never felt like he prejudged people at all. In fact I didn't "know" for a long time that people I was related to had prejudices about race or sexual orientation. (There are some slight horror stories from my teenage years when I discovered these in my mom.)

My wonderful father always said it was important to understand that we are all just people. No matter how wealthy or poor, or color of your skin. I don't ever remember him mentioning sexual orientation. What I would like to believe is that he would have the same opinion on this as well. I have never been really uncomfortable (not until more recent years anyway) of speaking to anyone in regards to social station. I used to work at a place where we had Senators and Representatives as clients, and I just talked to them like they were anyone else. Now celebrities do make me nervous. I lose my cool and don't really know how to be myself around them, but I am sure that is just because I have mentally put them up on a dais somewhere in my own mind LOL! (Good thing I've only met a couple of celebrities huh?)

Back to my topic though, being feminine is a very subjective thing. One could argue that cleaning one's home is femme, but I don't feel at all masculine if I ask Penny to clean the litterboxes or wash dishes.

What we must strive to do is release the fact that our Spouse/SOs dress as females has NOTHING at all to do with US! (I know, I also sometimes have a problem thinking everything is all about me.) But the fact is it doesn't. This is just one more reason I don't understand why more SOs are not completely accepting. It's nothing we've done or pushed you to. Nothing that we don't do. I am me. I wear makeup when I want and that's not very often. Quite often Penny wears it more times per week than I do; I don't let this make me feel weird. She has asked me on an occasion or two to wear it for something special (like the night she proposed), and this didn't make me feel weird, or put upon, or even like she was trying to change me.

So why would I try to change her?

I do struggle with that question in my head sometimes, but that is me and my heart knows it!


  1. Just as parents wonder if they could be to blame for their child's sexual orientation, wives do worry that CDs might be searching for something that is lacking in their partner. I suppose it might happen, but not in my experience. Sure, I'd like my wife to embrace the femme side more often, because I love most everything about women, and I'd prefer to see her that way.

    She has stated her concern several times over the years that she has fallen short of my ideal woman. Pshaw! She's more woman than I'll ever be...

  2. This is a good and thoughtful post. I am in general agreement with most of what you said. While it is true that Penny being CD/TG has nothing to do with you and that her TG/CD proclivities existed well before you two met, I do not think that there is no connection whatsover. Everyone has an internal essense. Regardless of how you are dressed or whether you are wearing makeup you have a distinctly feminine aura that is clearly picked up by Penny. The converse is also the case. Regardless of Penny's attire there is a clear masculine component...separate and apart from anatomical equipment. You are more than adequately feminine and the converse would apply to Penny.

    What does Penny's CD/TG side have to do with you? Quite a bit I suspect. You bring a permanent feminine aura into your home. You are Penny's primary role model. The current development of Penny's CD side can, at least in my view, relate to the concept that "imitation is the most sincere form of flattery".

    Keep on keeping on.



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