Had a wonderful night out tonight with Penny. We met with R who is one of our mutual favorite people and had a fab dinner and the BEST conversation. If you read Penny's blog you will recall we did some super shopping together not too long ago and I decided to buy R a little something to show her how much we care. I cut out a cute little purse shaped giftbox so her happy would look sweet and gave it to her at dinner this evening. It wasn't a big gift, just something that I thought would look lovely on her, that I thought she would like. She was so gracious and looked so very touched. No one had ever given R a present before.
I was a bit shocked. I knew that her spouse wasn't accepting like I was, but she is so "out there." She appears to be such a forward ambassador of the community. She is so supportive and encouraging. I can't tell you what a relief it was when I met her in person. She is so beautiful, sweet and kind. (I never actually heard of a "happy" until we lived in MS.) It doesn't have to be expensive or for an occasion. It's just something that makes you think of the other person and smile (and hopefully make them smile as well). I was so excited when I was picking her "happy" and cannot express how special it made me feel to know that I was the person who gave her that first gift.
R is the only other transperson I have ever met in person, so far (other than Penny of course). I hadn't really talked to her much before our first meeting. I know I have written glowing loving words about how special she is, but I don't think I can say enough good.
She was fortunate enough to go to SCC this year and she told us about the awesome seminars that she attended. She also told us how much fun she had going out and being in person with all the lovely ladies from cd.com. Penny and I will be there next year, I am sure of that. I can't wait for that experience.
I know great and wonderful things lie ahead in this journey. For Penny and myself, and for my dearest R. She is such a natural leader, fearless and beautiful.
I ask those of you who are reading... are you like R?
Do you go out and about en femme and just be yourself at every opportunity (and by opportunity I mean times when you wouldn't offend your SO's limitations)?
Do you sit at home and dream about it? If you do sit home, is there any one thing that you are waiting on to go outside? Halloween is coming. It's your national holiday. The one day where anyone can wear anything they want, and not be accused.
Hugs
Make that one vote for sitting at home and dreaming. It's not that I'm afraid, at least not in groups. I've been to restaurants a couple times, and driving a few others, and I would love to do more out and abouting.
ReplyDeleteThat won't be happening unless I'm prepared to punt on my marriage, because her fear of my bringing ruin and embarrassment to the family outweigh any arguments I could present. I will just have to respect her concerns. Ergo, sitting and dreaming.
Vote two on the 'dreams at home' and lives virtually here column Aeify. Ditto to Leslie Ann's second paragraph. Baby steps have been my pace, and someday it may pay off. Sadly, a wife who is ambushed by these realities is not likely to quickly come to the same place you find yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting us travel along your path with Penny!
Halle
Vote three for dream at home but making progress. I love my wife more than anything and I cannot simply dismiss her fears that my being caught in a dress would bring 'ruin and embarassment' to our family.
ReplyDeleteI have been out on a few halloweens and also to a few 'meetings', but I know that when I am out she is home worrying and that is not really fair. I work long hard hours and I do enjoy my time with my wife and have a hard time justifying going out to a meeting when I could be out with my love.
I have made it out several times without her knowledge. Sneaking out makes me feel like a heel ( a dirty ugly low heel...not something high and elegant). I have enjoyed getting out of the house and I find it affirming and mostly fun to get out.
In my view the more of us that get out and into the public eye the better it will be for all of us. Of course, my baby steps have been so slow that I will have long passed from this mortal coil before it is fully acceptable for a man in a dress to be out on the street...but progress is being made thanks to folks like you and Penny and your friend 'R'.
Pat
Halloween in Holland is totally not about dressing up. For that purpose we have carnival, well at least in the catholic parts of our Lowlands; being raised protestant I never allowed myself to use that opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThese days I manage to go out dressed androgenic with a dear friend occasionally and she is mildly disappointed when, due to logistic unfavorable circumstances, that is not up to the max, which means under dressing, flaring clothes, jewelry and make-up. In that case I’m more than disappointed but at the same time looking forward to our next date.
Corinna
I have to weigh in on going out. I do a good amount of thinking, and too much blog obsessing at home, but private or partial dressing does not seems to satisfy (wrong word, but here it comes..) my requirements. All the way, or not at all seems my way.
ReplyDeleteThe great outdoors, amongst Jane and John Doe is the environment I love. Fulfilling beyond words, and still a daunting, liberating thing to do.
I am fortunate to live in a city big enough for a reasonable cloak of anonymity, or perhaps indifference to my delights.
Thanks for asking ..