Thursday, August 26, 2010

One week ago today.

One week ago today I met the second admitted cder that I have "known" about in person. Not only did I meet this person, I met... her. I have only known R as her femme self and I adore her completely.
She is the first online friend Penny and I have ever met. I hope she is the first of many. I so happy she doesn't think of me as freaky freak who just blurts out whatever she is thinking and has no qualms about asking deeply personal questions.(I just do that) I've never been one to play games, and I have no intention of starting.

I am so happy to have this new relationship in my life as it's the first time I've ever been free to discuss ALL aspects relating to Penny and myself.

Girls do that you know, we talk.
We think men talk about their sex lives in detail because we do it with each other.
We have bragging rights about how awesome the sex is and what we do to and with our mates. (Or at least everyone I've ever gotten really close with does.)
Sex toys on the table, favorite positions, lube, flavored lube, battery operated vs non battery, plastic, silicone, glass, lingerie, sexy shoes, board games and feathers...

All of my previous friendships have been carefully edited versions of my own reality. I'm not complaining. I certainly have admitted to my own share of stuff. One friend in particular thinks I'm super uptight about "toys" LOL!

But now I can share whatever I want and not think that by mentioning satin gloves that my "friend" will hear that and understand the gloves were used on me and not by me and thereby "out" my spouse and our kink (LOL).

*Not that we have had any in detail sex discussion of this kind, just that I don't feel like I have to edit anything that I say and .... oh well, you get the picture.

We go out with R together tonight and I am so excited about it.
1. We will be out together.
2. We will be with R, and really sometimes it is just SO HARD to have a friend that you can share. I know lots of people I am friends with just get on Penny's last nerve. (You can't have everything in common with your spouse, where would the spice be?)
3. I'm getting to go to a restaurant I've been dying to go back to since last freaking summer...YAY!

I haven't made such fast friends (does everyone understand that expression?) in a long time. I feel both the rush of excitement that I don't know every single detail about R and I want to know everything. I feel like she has the unique perspective to give me on my own feelings about cding and how I react to different aspects of it. She is just so freaking lovely to look at! I am so proud to be with her out and about because I think it makes me feel like I am good enough to be seen with such a lovely lady! (seriously, back to the bi issue, I love that she thinks I am pretty enough to be her friend, or does that just make me sound shallow... does anyone else here have any leftover high school crap that makes you feel like some people are almost too perfect to want to be your friend? sheesh I'm really a freak).

We went to dinner last night and I showed off my stupid trivia self by telling R all about Col. Sanders, Dave Thomas and Lucille Ball. (are you laughing yet?) I am so comfortable around R. I don't know if I am surprised at that or not. I don't really know what I expected. I was really more "nervous" about meeting someone from ol than meeting a cder. I am so proud she goes out because friends, she is amazingly good looking and a bit self-conscience but with no need.

Um I really meant for this post to reflect on how grateful I am for my new friendship with R but it seems that this is just rolling out like one of my conversations with her...LOL!

Penny keeps telling me that I am some rare anomaly in the cd world. A totally accepting and encouraging spouse. I remind her and I shared with R that yes, I am accepting, I actually love it. Penny turns me on wether in drab or femme and my favorite thing in the WORLD is having lovely lipsticked lips pressing softly, ever so gently against mine. This is just the HOTTEST thing in the world and honestly, I'd love to hear anyone argue that point. There is nothing sexier!
I do have my own "baggage" that goes along with this, I mean t-girls generally evolve to such a fantastic point of presentation that they look SO much more perfect than us regular gals. How could I still be attractive to Penny? I showed R a photo of me in "drab" or without makeup and in my work clothes. She was so sweet and told me that I didn't look horrible like I had told her I did... when I meet her I put on my "game face". Do t-girls know that ggs, well I do anyway, wear makeup at times to feel more appropriate?
I mean most days I don't wear anything on my face. I'm lucky if I remember to wash and moisturize (I know, don't flinch...). But when I want to feel especially pretty or "powerful" in my womanhood, then I make up my face.

Maybe they understand this even better than I do. Opinions?


  1. Hi, A! I'm surprised no one else bit on this one.

    First off, my wife is tolerant of my weirdness, but does not like it or encourage it, or god forbid, want to see it. Just so you know my bias.

    You are an anomaly. My wife would call you delusional, so intent on keeping your man that you will put up with anything. She truly believes that no woman could embrace this, having their role encroached upon. I have heard tell of others like you, but it's a little like El Chupacabra or Nessie, always a second or third-hand tale. You seem real to me.

    Mrs. Leslie wears makeup infrequently, usually only when we go out somewhere. She swore off makeup for ~15 years, feeling that she didn't want her girls growing up to think that makeup was a necessity. I saw it more as her not trying in the relationship, but I accept her explanation.

    She does worry about me being more femme than she is, like it's a failure on her part. I don't want her to be someone she's not, except perhaps in accepting me as I wish to be.

    I find her attractive regardless of her presentation. She's the mother of my kids, and the only woman I've ever been intimate with. I don't wish that to change.

    Was this the sort of info you were looking for? BTW, a really good blog so far!


  2. It is exactly what I'm looking for, thanks so much for sharing with me.
    *Big Hugs right back!


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