Friday, January 20, 2012

Fortunate Reality

I have talked to a lot of widows since becoming one myself. I didn't know it was like a secret club, but it kinda is. When Penny's grandfather died right after the first of the year, I thought I'd never hear from anyone in that family again. I was wrong.
It seems Nana has decided maybe I am what I always appeared to be, what Penny said I was and that maybe I never was the one trying to steal away that little one they all loved so much, who was so different from the rest of them. She called me a few days after PawPaw's funeral to let me know that she loved me, and was there for me and that wow, it hurts to lose a spouse.
I told her I understood.
And I do.
When I learned last week that I was going to have to put my dog to sleep, a dog I have had as my constant companion since August 5, 2000... I called to let her know. Everyone loved our precious girl. Everyone who ever met her said she was the best dog. I am totally biased. She came from the pound totally house-trained and so humble and ready to be a part of our little family. Nana tried to call me last Thursday to see if I was OK (I put her to sleep on Wednesday, January 1/11) but couldn't talk, she said it was too much for me. That she was my company and it was so sad.

It was.

My constant companion for right now is my pushy neighbor who refuses to let me wallow in self-pity and depression. He is really probably the only reason I have come so far so fast (that and the fact that it's really un-Aeify to be depressed for too long, I wasn't really built for it and don't handle it well.) We fight like siblings most of the time, and he makes it very hard for me to remain calm, but I am trusting the universe. It has been sending me exactly what I need so far. I'm going to assume that as long as he's around, he is supposed to be and that when one of us leaves, it's time.

This time last week I was last minute packing for Tucson. I wish I was still there, or at least had another trip planned out west. It was absolutely amazing.


1 comment:

  1. We in Tucson would be happy to see you back here any time! *hugs*


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