After the beginning

So I told you the story of our beginnings of the journey together, but lest you think that the road was just a beautiful ashphalt freeway without turns and stoplights and "road work" signs...let me just dispel those notions now.

When I told my lover that I secretly desired to see him in lingerie he gave me such a frightful reaction I thought our relationship was over. "Is that what you think when you look at me!?" (this is my nearest recollection to the exact wording)

He also said loads of other things that made me feel like a despicable worm for even voicing my innermost desire out loud in front of another human much less a human that I was yearning to spend the entire rest of my life with.

After he had a while to process and cool off and listen to me apologize while sobbing and begging for forgiveness, the truth came out. He was upset because I MUST have known, sensed or read his mind in some way. He thought because no one could possibly ever desire that in reality, much less someone he had found and loved that I MUST be making fun of him in some sick and twisted way.

Really??? yes!

It took many years of questioning and pondering for me to wrap my head around this one. I had never considered that the fact that this was a secret desire that "society" said was "wrong" in some way might actually make someone so paranoid about what they wanted in life. I'm a little ashamed that (as an intuitive and perceptive woman...see we are just people too) that it took me a really long time to get to a place where I wasn't just shocked at the reaction. But it did.

I will be always grateful for that night. It gave us a wonderful start. It was also a great way to get used to the idea that this aspect of our relationship together was going to be work. Work on the honesty and trust issue especially.
If I am not totally honest in what is ok and what is not as far as I am concerned, then how would he work his brain around being comfortable around me in femme or drab, whichever he felt like at the moment. The femme part has come a long way, but more for another time.

There are panties...

I just want to get some stuff out there. Just see it in black and white. I know talking helps and I know writing helps. So blogging can certainly help. If you are with me on this journey at any phase, jump in and help me out. I'm going to try to just be myself which is pretty brash and honest with not a lot of stopping to think before speaking (most of the time). Time can do a marvelous job on opinions as well as memories, changing them for the better or vice versa. Enough rambling, here goes...

In the beginning there were panties. That's what we started out with, but really the story goes back farther than that. To a night when we were young and in love, (we still are!) but not yet bonded by the union of marriage. We were two lovers sitting on a porch, anticipating our first "full weekend together" at the same house. 

We were sharing sexual fantasies and it was my turn...

I was so scared. I'd had the same fantasy since the age of 14 and I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show for the very first time. I wanted a man in drag... I wanted Frankenfurter, I wanted an experience with a man dressed just like I was...super sexy and ready for loving!

Can you believe it? I had kept it a secret. So then I just said it out loud (or as I recall in a kind of timid voice...) I want you to wear women's lingerie for me. 

That's where it started, my journey into the world of loving a crossdresser. It wasn't really as simple as that, but that is in fact our beginning.